I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Randomize
