he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
