I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize