the day after is always just damage control
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
