walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
