If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
