Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
