dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
my shit smells like andre
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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