i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
