What a fucking waste of an outfit
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
