So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
