allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
