I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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