I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
