I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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