I want to make a zoo with you.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
