Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
