the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
