so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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