i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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