I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
His nipple licking is glorious
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