every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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