Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
