it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I got inside last night via doggy door
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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