Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
