How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
