remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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