Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
