At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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