She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
