dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize