yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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