god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
