Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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