why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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