He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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