We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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