The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
