well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize