I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
