I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
