There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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