as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
