Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
