She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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