I accidentally had phone sex last night
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
