Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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