My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
