Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
