i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
