I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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