Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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