i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Houston, we have a squirter
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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