that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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