dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
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