East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
