Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
