I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
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