So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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