I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
