and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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