at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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