I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
