After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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