You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
