Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Every concussion has its silver lining
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
