god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize