from now on my penis is your penis
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
