I cannot find my penis.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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