my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
