HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
