i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
