I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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