I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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