were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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